Friday Night Dinner
by PhelpstwinsandElftwins
Summary: Burt walks in on Blaine and Kurt doing something he could have died happily without ever seeing. Kurt and Blaine are suitably humiliated. Finn and Carole just think it's hilarious. Traitors.
1. It Begins

This came into mind while watching Blame It On The Alcohol, and wondering "what if Burt had found Blaine and Kurt doing something much, much, much worse?" (insert evil, maniacal grin here)

And so, this fic was born! (hallelujah chorus)

It is rated M, for a little bit of boy-on-boy and a hell of a lot of potty-mouthing, because apparently both Kurt and Blaine are sex gods ;)

Oh… To be a fly on the wall…

Enjoy~

"Blaine, if you do not get out of the car right now, I will not kiss you for the next week."

Needless to say, Blaine got out of the car.

"But, Kuuuuuurt!" The shorter boy whined to his new boyfriend. "As soon as we tell your father we're dating, I'm dead! Dead! Destroyed! This is a tragedy! Wah!"

Kurt cast a baleful eye onto the melodramatic teenager before him. "Just get inside. We still have some time before everyone gets home."

The couple made their way into the currently vacant house. Kurt had convinced his father to allow Blaine to attend a Friday Night Dinner. Burt had been reluctant at first, particularly with the knowledge that this boy was the same as the instigator of The Sex Talk Incident. Yeah, you know the one. It has its own capitals.

However, the gruff older man had finally relented after Kurt had used the full force of his puppy dog eyes on him.

_Puppy Dog Eyes._

Nobody was safe from that. Least of all, Burt (and, recently, Blaine).

"So," Kurt began as they entered his perfectly organized room. "Dad and Carole will be getting home at 6. Finn around the same time, I believe, although with him… You never know…"

Blaine grinned childishly, circling the room with his arms spread wide. "What you're saying there is that, I have…" he checked the digital clock on Kurt's beside table, "…an hour and a half with my beautiful, perfect, gorgeous, amazing, perfect, fabulous, perfect, sexy, _perfect_ boyfriend, all alone?"

"That about sums it u-_umpf!"_

At that moment, Blaine had thrown himself at the elfin boy with lust burning in his eyes, latching onto Kurt's hips and throwing them both onto the bed, lips attacked.

"B-Blaine, what ar- Oh, oh, oh god! Do NOT stop doing th-that!" The darker haired boy, sucking on Kurt's earlobes, was only too happy to oblige.

Kurt shifted slightly, to get to a better angle in which he could slide his hand up Blaine's shirt, and let out a _very manly squeak_ as Blaine's arousal met his.

Well, no wonder people did this _all the fucking time. Engh._

Very quickly, both boys were reduced to a pile of hormones, sweat and groaning.

"Oh, g-god, Kurt. Why are you so damned perfect? Mffh," Blaine gasped into the writhing boy's ear, thrusting into his boyfriend unashamedly.

In the corner of Kurt's awareness (which, admittedly, wasn' veryt much while Blaine was_fuckingdoingthatomigod._), he registered the slamming of a familiar car door, but passed it off as nothing, in favour of continuing to nibble at Blaine's _chestneckstomacheareverywhere._

He idly wondered where his shirt had run off to as Blaine edged a hand towards the hem of his pants, but passed it off as currently irrelevant because _holyfuckingfuckblaine'._

So, naturally, neither boy heard the heavy clunking of boots that signified the presence of one Burt Hummel, nor the accompanying _clip-clop_ of Carole's fabulous new shoes courtesy of Kurt, both on their way up to greet the two boys under the assumption they were studying, or watching Tangled, or basically anything other than _'resodamedperfectandithinkI'mabouttocum._

"Hey, boys, we're home ear-" That was when the door swung open, revealing Burt, with Carole peering over his shoulder, standing in the hallway.

And, of course, Kurt and Blaine in the throes of teenaged-hormonal pleasure. Blaine's hand working furiously under the cover of Kurt's pants (which were still on, thank the heavens for small favours), as the glasz eyes boy writhed and squired under him, while Blaine rutted against Kurt's thigh with abandon, both moments away from a glorious climax.

Time froze for a few moments.

Okay, a lot of moments.

Carole threw her hands up to her mouth, gaping in shock (and, okay, she'd admit later: a hell of a lot of amusement).

Burt slowly but surely turned the shade of red which usually accompanied the death of a daughter's horny boyfriend. (which… Blaine effectively was. _This was gonna suck, _Blaine thought passingly.)

Kurt shrieked in absolute horror, pulling a blanket out from beneath him and throwing it over himself and Blaine.

Blaine, with all the dignity and dapperness in the world (although his bright red cheeks indicated otherwise), cautiously took his hand out of Kurt's pants – _awkwardawkwardawkward –_ and cleared his throat.

"Well, I… Mr Hummel… At least I can't get him pregnant?"

Kurt facepalmed.

Carole burst into laughter, leaning against her still frozen husband.

Blaine smiled nervously.

And at that moment, Finn bounded cheerfully up the stairs, home early as well (_why in the HELL is everybody home so early?_ Kurt demanded of no one in particular).

"Hey, guys, Rachel had to go out with her dads, so I'm home early, too! Hi, mum, what's for dinner? Burt? Um… Hey, Burt? What's going on? Can I see- WOAH HOLY SHIT OKAY."

Kurt slowly sunk underneath the blankets, moaning in embarrassment. "Portal to Narnia, appear… now. Okay, now. … Nooooow."

Blaine eyed Kurt sceptically. "At least they can't kill you," he murmured bitterly.

Finally, Burt cleared his throat, apparently now capable of dealing with what he'd just come across his son and the new perver- boyfriend doing.

"Carole, would you mind going down and starting dinner? Remember, we've got a guest, so make extra. I'll be down to help soon." Carole nodded, eyeing her (apparently, plotting) husband curiously.

"Yes, dear, "she replied hesitantly, passing her shocked biological son as she made her way down the stairs.

"Finn," Burt turned towards his second son. "Do you know where I keep my shotgun? I can't go get it myself. I have to stay here and make sure Blaine doesn't try to escape out the window."

Blaine paled.

Kurt paled.

Finn snorted in laughter and mumbled, "It was nice knowing you, Blaine. Kurt, maybe you should evacuate the war zone?"

Blaine sunk further into the mattress.

Burt smiled cheerfully, stepping into the room. "Now, Blaine… It's time you and I had a little chat."

Oh, the things I do to my two favourite boys. It's all done out of love, I swear (more evil grins)

So… as of now, it's a one-shot. However, if enough people are in favour of it, I might write a two-shot which explains the fate of poor Mr. Anderson and his adorable boyfriend.

It's up to you guys!

Hope you enjoyed it I really enjoyed writing it!


	2. I'll Live For Him

Well, after overwhelming positive response – baw, I love you guys! – I decided to give everyone a little view into the aftermath of Burt and Carole's somewhat traumatising discovery (well, for them, at least. For us, it's kinda just hysterical!)

So, here we have chapter 2 of Friday Night Dinner!

Enjoy!

Burt watched as his son's boyfriend, Blaine, shifted nervously on the living room couch, and tried to hide the grin which was desperately trying to form on his face.

When he had walked in on the two teenagers earlier that afternoon, his first reaction had been horror. Complete, unbridled horror. Not in any homophobic sense, but purely because he was feeling what _any_ father would feel to walk in on their child during an… ahem… intimate moment. Gay or not.

After his initial thoughts of _ GET THE FUCK OUT. WARNING. WARNING. GET THE FUCK OUT, _followed closely by _KILL THE CURLY HAIRED ASS HOLE WHO DARES TO TOUCH MY BEAUTIFUL, PURE, INNOCENT SON, _Burt had calmed down considerably, and decided to have a little fun with this. Now was as good a time as any to figure out what kind of guy Blaine was, and make sure his baby was in good hands.

'Good hands' brought back images of Blaine's hands in places on his son Burt liked to pretend didn't exist, so he decided to stay off that train of thought.

Blaine had already unknowingly won back some points before the conversation had even started, by maintaining eye contact with Burt despite his obvious fear.

Despite what had happened, Burt admired Blaine's courage.

And he didn't even know what that truly meant to Blaine and Kurt.

"So…" Burt began, enjoying the startled look on Blaine's face as the teenager rushed to prepare himself for Burt's death sentence. "You're dating my son."

The dapper boy before him shrunk at the looming figure, but his gaze did not waver. More points.

"Yes, sir," Blaine confirmed, pride obvious in his voice. More points. "Since the week before regionals, sir."

Burt nodded as if this information meant something. Of course, he knew regionals had something to do with Glee Club, but it was all a blur to him.

"And you're already sexually active?" he asked bluntly.

This question, Blaine had prepared himself for, but it still took a while for him to reply. "I… Sort of, sir. What you saw today was the furthest we've gone. " More points for you, short kid. "And, sir, I'd like to make it clear that I have no intention of letting either myself or Kurt lose our virginities to each other until our relationship has developed and we've become much more committed to each other."

Burt blinked, not expecting such an honest answer, and chuckled as he heard a loud thunk from outside the door, followed by a, "Noooo! Mum, I want to listen! It was just getting interesting!" and a "Carole, make them stop talking about this! Nooooo! I want to liiissstteeeeeen!"

The voices trailed off as his wife dragged away his two sons. He turned back to Blaine to see him watching the door with a fond smile that was clearly reserved for Kurt. More points.

"Well, that's reassuring, Blaine. I'm not going to say you two should keep your hands off each other completely. That's unrealistic, especially for two teenaged boys. And I'm not going to lecture you about safety – I know you're aware, thanks to the little conversation we had at the shop," simultaneous winces at the memory, "and I trust Kurt to do the right thing."

Blaine nodded in agreement. "As you should, Mr. Hummel. Kurt's a very smart boy."

"Call me Burt," Burt asked absentmindedly, missing the shocked look and wide smile that Blaine gave him at his request.

"Do you love him?" Burt questioned, his voice quiet.

Blaine sucked in a breath, knowing his whole relationship with Kurt hung in the hands of his answer. "Yes, sir. But I am not in love with him. Not just yet. The romance in our relationship has only just begun to develop, at least on my part. However, I do love your son, more than _anything_ on this earth. He's my best friend, my confidant, my duet partner. He makes me laugh, and when he sings… The world just stops, sir. It stops, because nothing else in this world matters as long as he's smiling and singing at me. I love him in so many different ways I can't even begin to describe what I would do to keep him in my life, so that I have chance to fall in love with him properly. The way he deserves to be loved."

Burt's eyes were wide with shock, and Blaine's face had gone bright red, but still, the teenager maintained eye contact, his eyes passionate.

_He truly would do anything for my son, _Burt realized, suddenly feeling lighter now that he knew there was someone else in the world that cared for his son like he did.

"Would you die for him?" Burt asked, more curious about the answer than anything.

"I would die for him, kill for him, and sing for him. Most importantly… I'd live for him. As long as he wanted me to."

Burt was surprised to notice that Blaine's eyes were actually glazed over, apparently fighting back tears.

He'd long lost track of how many points the boy had earned, so he decided it was time to end the conversation and head off to dinner. If nothing else, it was probably best to reassure Kurt that his boyfriend had survived. No need to tell his son that Blaine had actually passed the test with flying colours.

"Let's go grab something to eat. It smells like Kurt has gotten his hands on Carole's cooking. I love that woman like nothing else, but her cooking… well…"

Blaine laughed, following behind the older man.

"Oh, and Blaine…" Burt began, turning to face Blaine. "If I _ever_ catch you in a position like that with my son again, I will end your life. I'm willing to accept you, but there are limits."

"Of course, Burt. We'll make sure we're never caught." This, of course, was said with a completely straight face, Blaine unapologetically admitting he couldn't keep his hands of Kurt.

Burt chuckled and held his hand out.

"Welcome to the family, and good luck."

BAW WASN'T THAT SPEECH JUST BAW.

That is all.

I absolutely adore the character of Burt. He's everything I wish my father was and more. I REALLY hope I've done him justice, and if I haven't… could you please tell me?

I apologize for any mistakes, I have no beta reader currently.

I hope you enjoyed this!

Now, everybody aboard the Klainetrain to land of reviews ;D


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